Where Have All the Belts Gone?

There seems to be a critical shortage of belts in the city. I was quite unaware off the degree of the problem until summer rolled in. With summer’s “shirt optional” dress code for urbanites, the magnitude of the belt crisis is evident. This epidemic does not appear to have spread to outskirts of the city (Southport, the North side,) with the exception of small groups of youth. The belt shortage has resulted in the necessitation of walking while holding one’s pants up in front and frequent displays of rear cleavage. I know this is a legitimate problem, as I have done research: there is not a Plummer’s Convention in the city. Something must be done for the general hygiene and aesthetic welfare of the city. I feel that we should rally and coordinate a border run for belts up to Carmel or Greenwood. This supply of belts could then be handed out to the urban dwellers at distribution pantries throughout the city. I urge to join this movement by commenting to show your support and dedication to this cause.